Being brave.
Seems like every time I write a post it is because something major is happening in my life. Go figure, I should be better at this. This time it's all about me. I'm being selfish for the first real time in a long time. If you know me at all you know that I'm a family person. I love my family. No matter how far away they are, I talk about them all the time. I talk to my mom at least once a day on the phone even if it's to answer my mom's most favorite question “What are you making for dinner?" People laugh at how we communicate all the time when I answer the phone in public places. It’s usually “what you up to? “Nothing, you” “what are you making for dinner?” “I don’t know” “okay” “bye” Literally nine times out of ten when we talk it’s short, sweet and basically just enough to know each other is alive and well. But this isn’t what I wanted to write about.
Let’s rewind to why I’m writing this post in the first place. So I moved to Charlotte in 2009 to go to UNC-Charlotte. Just a girl that wanted escape her hometown to try a new city. I fell in love with Charlotte and the city and my life. And I got comfortable. I knew I wasn’t living my best life, I new I could do way better... but I never could figure out how to fix it. So fast forward to now, I’m complacent. I did what I was supposed to do (buy a house, continue in my career, etc) and it still hasn’t done it for me. I never wanted to end up in the Raleigh area but I think I just was so stubborn on the fact that I had already moved away and wanted to commit to that. (But seriously moving is the actual worst and is probably something of the devil but whatevs) But now, I’m ready for change. Basically I feel like Charlotte is kicking me out because I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’m ready for something new and even though some of the places I’m going to are familiar... it’s still exciting. So yeah, I’m selling my house, I’m uprooting what I tried to plant and I’m headed “home.”
On most days I’m excited, however, I don’t have much figured out. I’m currently applying to as many jobs as possible, trying to prepare my house to sell, and trying to enjoy my days living in the QC since now I feel like my days are numbered. On other days I’m emotional; I feel as if something I wanted so badly to work just isn’t so I’m having to start from square one. I hate that feeling. I know my time is Charlotte has taught me a lot. I know that for a time I was meant to be here but it’s just not forever. Do I think I’ll live in Raleigh forever? Who knows. I just know that my life is too fluid to be settling for something that is not letting me thrive. Those who know me know that I’m stubborn, I love hard and I’m loyal so leaving Charlotte almost feels like I’m giving up on something but it isn’t like that. This move isn’t about anyone but me. I’m being selfish and I’m doing something brave for me right now. I’ve always hated being 3 hours from my family so moving to the area allows me to see them whenever I want. And I know this sounds stupid but I feel like I haven’t made this move before because it seems like I’m regressing in life. In Charlotte, I’ve lived a very independent lifestyle and moving to Raleigh almost feels like I’m moving into my mom’s basement (which we would kill each other if that we’re true.) But moving “home” isn’t a step back for me. It’s a step into something I want for me.
What is it that I want? I want to play board games with my family. I want to love and be loved. I want to find a man that compliments me well and wants to start a family. I want to travel and explore more. I want to laugh so hard with friends that I pee my pants a little. I want to be a “cool aunt” (sorry Jen and Jeremy.) I wanna be able to care of my mama if she needs me. I want a community and church that helps me grow. Those are things I want right now and I’m gonna be brave to see them through. Right now is a lot of ifs and maybes but I’m praying that those ifs and maybes turn into yeses and more. Be brave for yourself. Do something for you and not because it’s next on your adult milestone list, but it’s the next on your heart list. Because you’re worth it.
Let’s rewind to why I’m writing this post in the first place. So I moved to Charlotte in 2009 to go to UNC-Charlotte. Just a girl that wanted escape her hometown to try a new city. I fell in love with Charlotte and the city and my life. And I got comfortable. I knew I wasn’t living my best life, I new I could do way better... but I never could figure out how to fix it. So fast forward to now, I’m complacent. I did what I was supposed to do (buy a house, continue in my career, etc) and it still hasn’t done it for me. I never wanted to end up in the Raleigh area but I think I just was so stubborn on the fact that I had already moved away and wanted to commit to that. (But seriously moving is the actual worst and is probably something of the devil but whatevs) But now, I’m ready for change. Basically I feel like Charlotte is kicking me out because I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’m ready for something new and even though some of the places I’m going to are familiar... it’s still exciting. So yeah, I’m selling my house, I’m uprooting what I tried to plant and I’m headed “home.”
On most days I’m excited, however, I don’t have much figured out. I’m currently applying to as many jobs as possible, trying to prepare my house to sell, and trying to enjoy my days living in the QC since now I feel like my days are numbered. On other days I’m emotional; I feel as if something I wanted so badly to work just isn’t so I’m having to start from square one. I hate that feeling. I know my time is Charlotte has taught me a lot. I know that for a time I was meant to be here but it’s just not forever. Do I think I’ll live in Raleigh forever? Who knows. I just know that my life is too fluid to be settling for something that is not letting me thrive. Those who know me know that I’m stubborn, I love hard and I’m loyal so leaving Charlotte almost feels like I’m giving up on something but it isn’t like that. This move isn’t about anyone but me. I’m being selfish and I’m doing something brave for me right now. I’ve always hated being 3 hours from my family so moving to the area allows me to see them whenever I want. And I know this sounds stupid but I feel like I haven’t made this move before because it seems like I’m regressing in life. In Charlotte, I’ve lived a very independent lifestyle and moving to Raleigh almost feels like I’m moving into my mom’s basement (which we would kill each other if that we’re true.) But moving “home” isn’t a step back for me. It’s a step into something I want for me.
What is it that I want? I want to play board games with my family. I want to love and be loved. I want to find a man that compliments me well and wants to start a family. I want to travel and explore more. I want to laugh so hard with friends that I pee my pants a little. I want to be a “cool aunt” (sorry Jen and Jeremy.) I wanna be able to care of my mama if she needs me. I want a community and church that helps me grow. Those are things I want right now and I’m gonna be brave to see them through. Right now is a lot of ifs and maybes but I’m praying that those ifs and maybes turn into yeses and more. Be brave for yourself. Do something for you and not because it’s next on your adult milestone list, but it’s the next on your heart list. Because you’re worth it.
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