friday funnies - chapter three.

I started Friday Funnies with the idea that if I created consistency with my blogging that it would make me want to do it more, and so far it is working.Thank you so much for reading and laughing with me. It makes me happy. When I started this post on Wednesday morning I was struggling to find funny things that happened this week, but who would have known my Wednesday and Thursday would contain such delights

1. Custodians walking in on me during my planning period. Most of you know that I'm a teacher, so I spend my days molding the minds of America. As a teacher, you (should) get planning time during the day. I'm pretty lucky this year and get two planning periods equalling about 1.5 hours per day. Now, there have been years that I've gotten around 20 minutes a day so I consider myself pretty lucky, even though this should be the norm. (C'mon, NC!) Anyways, during that planning period I usually grade or make assignments or slideshows to teach whatever unit we're on, and I almost always play some sort of music or watch a Youtube video. This particular day, I was watching a Youtuber that I watch pretty often and she was simply chatting about the mundane things she does in a day. For me, it's background noise and I'm used to it, but that obviously wasn’t the case for the sweet custodian who came in during my planning to vacuum. I noticed that she was looking at me and was concerned. On her way out she turned to me and said, "Man, that lady must be tired from all that talking."  I honestly didn't realize she could hear it over the vacuum so I looked at her and said, "The person I'm watching?" and she said "Yeah, I don't think she even took a breath." This was so funny to me because I hadn't really been listening to the video, but the custodian obviously had and she was over it. I was kind've embarrassed because who knows what the Youtuber was talking about. This isn't the first time someone has walked in on me doing my thing, but at least today I hadn't fallen asleep. There have been (VERY FEW) times that I've accidently fallen asleep during my planning period and that's the worst because A)I look stupid, B) I’m still tired after... C) I wonder all day if the person who found me tattled. Oh the joys of being a teacher! *UPDATE* she just came in again (It is a couple days later) and I was watching Taylor Swift's music videos (sorry not sorry!) This time I turned them off because I didn't want to freak her out anymore.

2. 6 and under soccer games. Have you ever been to one? I still think t-ball is my favorite 6-under sport, but soccer is pretty hilarious too. First of all, there are 10+ kids on each team decked out in their soccer gear. I mean the whole nine yards - jerseys, soccer shorts, socks, shin guards, cleats and sometimes an accessory - a bow or sweat band, depending on who you are. Then, there are the parents who are usually taking photos or streaming a facebook live (I'm not kidding). However, when you look at the field, all you see is chaos. I mean seriously, the coaches of these teams are literal saints for volunteering for their kid’s team. If you ever find yourself watching a soccer game full of kids under 6, here are some things you might see: - crying (and lots of it!) - the goalie usually has his/her literal hands stuck in the net - the one kid picking grass - falling, tripping, stumbling, rolling - laughing and kids talking to themselves - "Can I get some water?" after doing nothing on the field but running around acting like an airplane - kids grabbing onto coaches legs (*not always their parent*) - always running the wrong way with the ball - kids on the same team going against each other - "How much longer until the game is over?" - parents encouraging the wrong play behavior (this is the worst part - your child will never learn this way!)

- parents encouraging the wrong play behavior (this is the worst part - your child will never learn this way!)

- (and my personal favorite because it’s so sweet!) kids seeing their parents in the stands when it’s their turn to throw in the ball and dropping the ball, embracing their parents and saying “mom, I just love you so much!”

And all this happens in 30 minutes. I mean, I'm not complaining because it's also the cutest thing ever and after all, they are just learning the sport. However, it is the most chaotic 30 minutes ever and as I said earlier, the coaches are saints for even signing up to help. My favorite part, of course, is when it's all over and the kids run over to see what the "snack" is. My niece lives for this moment. She admitted once last season that she only played for snack and that's that. If you’re interested in going to a game, let me know I have one niece and nephew that are on a team and I can hook you up with tickets (hehe)

Notice the coaches on the field, showing them exactly what to do as well as notice the kids not facing all the same way or even looking like they have a clue. 

my best action shot of the night - lol - two seconds after I took this photo 3 kids launched their bodies after the ball and fell. 

3. Curly hair chronicles. Everyone is always like "your hair is so pretty, I wish I had curly hair, it's so easy and natural" and I always respond "the grass is greener." For the record, I love my curly hair, but it was getting too long and scraggly so it was time for a haircut. I went to get a new "newlywed cut" (I'm claiming it because most girls chop off their hair after their wedding) and honestly, I am so happy with how it came out. (I say that but I haven't even seen it naturally curly yet, ha!) I asked her to straighten it without looking at the weather forecast for the next few days which I came to find out today was "hell's front porch". As I was getting ready for work this Wednesday morning - feeling so cute, might I add -  I check the weather and notice there are two 90+ degree days this week. My hair is super fine so when someone sneezes or I walk by an oil diffuser, it's going to curl up and frizz. Heck, when I'm blowing drying my hair and it's too hot in the room, it curls as I'm straightening it. Needless to say, having my hair straight is always a treat. Well this treat back stabbed me real hard. I'm going to post a couple photos to you can see the evolution of my hair and it's not even 12:00pm. 

Freshly cut and styled: 5pm Tuesday

Arrived to school: 7:30 am Wednesday

Curlycues around the ears are starting to form. Sorry for the bare face. These dark mornings are throwing me all the way off. 

Planning period: 9:00 am Wednesday

 Curly cues around the ear are out to play. 

Lunch time: 11:35 am Wednesday

By 11:35, the roots were such a mess I threw it up in a little baby pony tail. So say all you want straight haired folks, but curly hair problems are a REAL thing. We struggle. We overcome. My students are sweet though and love my straight hair even though it is a mess. I had to wash it because the high on Thursday was 97 (c’mon, fall!) and it wouldn’t have lasted 4 minutes.

4. Picture day at school as an adult. Picture day was a couple of weeks ago and I got my picture back on Thursday. I want to preface this by saying that I knew picture day was on the day it was, I wrote it on my calendar, and I was reminded by my students. There was absolutely no reason I should've forgot that it was picture day, but alas, I did. I woke up, got dressed (in a pretty casual outfit because my school allows jeans every day for teachers), and went on my merry way. When I got to school, I was struggling to get out of the car (dramatic, I know) but when I finally did, my lunch box strap got stuck and caused me to spill coffee all over myself. I just laughed it off thinking it was just a small stain, it's fine. I went to the bathroom to try and fix the situation (aka put lots of water so the stain wasn't that dark) and this is what came of it:

Yes, it looked like my "tata" was overflowing with breastmilk. Yup, just one. Unfortunately, at this time, I am not a mom boss woman who can breastfeed, so this wasn't a good look. There was no fixing it at this point. It was a done deal. That's when I remembered it was picture day. After I made two quarter sized stains turn into this. At this point, it was my fault completely that I added 8 gallons of water to dilute the stain and make it look like my breast was leaking liquid. I sucked it up and went on with my morning. I didn't want to make it a bigger deal so I just walked past tons of adults and didn't say anything about it (except my coworker that was also on the struggle bus) which probably made it more awkward because I probably looked so comfortable. Alas, I still had to take my photo and I knew it would be a "memory that could last a lifetime." And quite honestly, my picture didn't turn out half bad for having such a huge stain on my shirt. The photographer graciously angled me just right to where my photo turned out like this:

Besides the fact that I look like an 8th grader stuck in puberty, I'd say it turned out pretty good. Hopefully next time I'll look more like a teacher but until then, who wants a wallet size of this? I have 2 4X8's and 2 wallets up for grabs. Ya'll don't come rushing now, you hear? LAWD HELP MY SOUL.

5. SPIDERS ARE NOT FUNNY. (However, this story is.) I'm writing this one in the moment, a couple of minutes after this happened. My heart is still pounding and I keep looking at the corner where this little beast was just to make sure he didn't come out to play. Picture this. All 26 of my 6th grade students are casually (and silently) taking their quiz on their computers and one kid raises his hand and when I walk over to him he says quietly to me "There is a spider." I look up and stop dead in my tracks. I whisper "where?" He points. I make eye contact with the scary beast and can't move. I look back at the student and say "Think you can get him?" He responds "oh yeah." So I let him. (FIRST MISTAKE, probably) The class is quiet, they have no idea what's going on, until he attempts to kill said spider. It was a swing and a miss so *naturally* I scream because I watched the lanky thing climb up the wall back into one of the many holes in my busted up "mobile learning unit." This causes chaos in my room. I'm trying get my students settled down to finish their quiz. As I do and they're back to the quiz, I get my student exterminator (he's honestly the GOAT at this point, that means Greatest Of All Time for those of you who aren't "down with the new terms") and he decides to tape the gaping hole shut so our enemy cannot pass through. While he is doing the Lord's work, I'm noticing the other 29,494 spaces where this monster can enter the four walls I'm confined to for the next 2.5 hours. With goosebumps and all, (I'm the one with goosebumps not him) he tapes it shut as best he can. The silent quiz time continues. Another student calls me over and shows me that the spider is now punching through the tape. What kind of super monster spider is this? The tape starts to open up and we see this....

I made it big for maximum spider view-age. Close your eyes if you don't want to see. 

This thing BUSTED through the tape. I mean I know it's just scotch tape but for his size, I feel like that's pretty impressive. And by impressive, I mean terrifying. The quiz was over by this point and my student decided he was gonna try one more time... so I recorded it for your viewing pleasure. I've tried to post it here but I’m not sure Blogger is with the times. So instead, head over to my instagram (@linseygrae) and you'll see it on my story highlights labeled "demon spider." You're welcome. I thought the smiley face covering his face did him justice. Unfortunately, the little demon still lives in the walls of my trailer. The kids are fine if you're wondering. I'm upset but I'll make it, I think. I might as well accept the fact that this is home now.


That's all for this week's chapter of Friday Funnies. I hope you got a laugh out of my terrifying and funny interactions this week. What is something funny that happened to you this week? Leave a comment down below!